A lesson for myself

Disclaimer: Never will I vent in these. Who honestly wants to read vents? Not me. Nor do I want to write them, which makes me a somewhat rare person. People who complain all the time are just annoying.

I have spent a lot of time, over the years, analyzing my shyness/anxiety/reservedness. It doesn't help whatsoever. So I will not bother to try and explain it. I feel that I actually always know what I want to say, I just so often have such a hard time saying it accurately. This applies to writing also, but writing is easier, especially when it's on a computer and can be easily edited.

I find it highly unlikely that talking to a person who I don't like and getting to know them better will result in my opinion of them changing. Nomatter where I work, there are always a lot of people who I find annoying. I doubt it will ever change. Wait a second, it sounds like I'm complaining. I refuse to!

Here's a different topic, and one that is an example of my all or nothing thinking pattern.

I have a relatively good time talking about entertainment; specifically, that which I find entertaining, especially "deep", "subtle", "epic", "imaginative" fiction like Planescape: Torment, Xenogears, Dune, A Song of Ice and Fire, and RahXephon. Describing their settings, premise, themes and so on is nothing short of exhilerating in fact, especially in discussion with someone who is already knowledgeable. However, I'm always afraid I'll become fixated on such discussion, and make it the core of my relating during freetime, as thrilling as that would be. I have fun talking about videogames as well, but less so since I've become less interested in them over the past 5 or so years. My point is, I can't help but believe that nomatter how fun and thought-provoking it may be, entertainment is only that, entertainment, and therefore of no true value, even when shared. Unless it's productive in some way, but then I wouldn't consider it to really be entertainment.

Then on the other side I love talking about serious, personal (but focusing on the positive) stuff, but it's a might harder (not that I find initiating conversation of entertainment with new people easy). I have the idea that using entertainment (and more importantly, discussion of it) as an initial way of relating can very well lead into sharing of the more vulnerable aspects of oneself. Actually it's one I have to constantly remind myself of. I always think I should start with the serious stuff, to see from the beginning if there are enough common values. I never do it though. Enough of my fears, I'll not speak of them again. It is not fun. Period!