I am unsure of why I did not make another one sooner.

What an interesting title. It is not interesting! Welcome friend. I will avoid making this confusing for the sake of trying to be funny. You will not read it if it is confusing.

I started reading the dictionary a couple of days ago so I can learn new words, not obscure ones but practical, and therefore increase my brain to a slight degree. Only if I do it regularly. Since I'm considerably not fast at learning from words, written or spoken, I feel the need to copy the pertinent definitions by hand to go over later before I know them for good. A colossal bother is that. But at least it works.

Two days ago I started collecting writing terms, such as idiom, rhetoric, predicate and conjunction, of which of course there are hundreds in all. I do not know whether I aspire to be a magnificent writer, but I do aspire to become truly effective at thinking, and an integral component of that is organizing thoughts in writing. But it all sounds like just more ways of avoiding actually DOING things doesn't it? Maybe, but true thinking is doing, just in a not very physically applying form.

Here's a crudzy "plan" of topics for this entry:
-Talking to people at work, or elsewhere, about things that I don't care very much about
-Systems I should make to increase my brain, which is rather necessary
-Fear of doing not-very-risky things that I want to do is completely intolerable

Those are the things I "want" to "discuss" the most at this time. It will now proceed.

Insignificant exchange

In other words, smalltalk. I dislike the idea because I'm afraid of things remaining on that level forever. Even though that would only happen if I didn't like the other person very much but was too afraid to just refuse to talk or tell them I wish they'd shut up and leave me alone forever. Admittedly that doesn't happen to me often, for which I am glad (but only when I remember), but...but what? Now I guess I "have" to go on and describe to a mild degree the different fears regarding smalltalk:

-Baw, nevermind.

There, what a long list. Aren't I funny? You didn't expect that, I promise. I decided to not try to identify such fears, because most of them apply to talking period, not just superficialities. I already stated my main problem with it anyway. Despite that, I do enjoy it, depending on who of course, which hardly bears mentioning. Oh, here's a fear: That something I mention will prompt a long boring string of consecutive words from the person and I'll not be enjoying it and will be unassertive about my wanting to not listen to that particular elaboration. It does happen sometimes.

The end of smalltalk. Though for me, hopefully the true beginning.

Systems to make me think gooder

Dur, wuts wun plus wun. Ate. I must forgive myself for having a difficult time thinking up schemes to implement with little effort that increase my mental fitness. But still gotta try. Well what's one thing some use? How bout writing every activity performed during the day, except for bathrooming since that is of questionable account. I admit I haven't done that much, and I won't try to rationalize my not doing it by giving reasons such as that I thought it was kind of an obsessive sounding thing to do, and never quite saw the point to begin with. I am entirely opposed to scheduling my daily activities because it sounds rigid and inflexible. But I should try it anyway, because it's good. I know you do it. Un.

Ok, I need to be more serious than ever now. How do you write to think better? Writing lots of self-addressed kuze? I've done that. What else? I can't think of anything. There's no need for me to do so by myself anyway, at least as far as coming up with writing things to make me think better.

Then there's the third thing, being afraid to do not very risky things that I'm not used to doing is completely intolerable. It is. Including speaking spontaneously with humans I think I want to speak to...which I usually have a hard time "deciding" whether I do. No more of that. It doesn't serve, obviously. So what's the easiest first thing to say? Not hi how are you, I still think that's too direct, even though many say it. The weather is probably the easiest thing, but it's such an obvious "I'm too afraid to bring up anything else initially" topic, at least to me. Me go to unconcious. I shall intend to lucid, even though the intent never makes a difference.